Maybe you and your partner keep getting stuck in the same arguments—or you feel miles apart even when you’re sitting next to each other. Perhaps you find yourself pulling away from people, even though part of you deeply craves closeness. Or maybe you’ve never truly known what secure, safe connection feels like.

You’re not broken. You’re wired for connection. And when connection feels threatened, your nervous system naturally reacts—through withdrawal, anger, anxiety, or shutdown.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps you understand these patterns, make sense of your emotions, and build deeper, safer relationships—not only with others but also with yourself.

Attachment theory offers a clear roadmap to understanding how early experiences shape your emotional regulation, sense of self, and ways of connecting with others. Negative emotions and coping strategies often trap us in painful, self-perpetuating cycles. Emotional isolation is a core risk factor for many mental health issues.

EFT provides a safe haven and secure base in therapy—a place where you can face your most difficult emotions without fear, supported by a therapist attuned to your needs. This safety naturally calms your nervous system and opens the door to healing and growth.

In EFIT, this healing extends inward—helping you comfort and validate vulnerable parts of yourself and reframe painful attachment wounds through imaginative encounters with key figures or aspects of self.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based approach to couples and individual therapy that focuses on repairing, strengthening, and deepening emotional bonds. Rooted in attachment science, EFT helps partners move out of conflict cycles and into secure, supportive connection. It’s one of the most research-validated models of couples therapy, with studies showing success rates of up to 70–75%.

Why is EFT so effective?

EFT doesn’t just teach communication skills — it goes deeper by addressing the emotional patterns underneath conflict. This therapy is effective because it:

• Targets the negative cycles that keep couples stuck.
• Helps partners express vulnerable emotions safely.
• Builds secure attachment bonds, which calm the nervous system and foster trust.
• Reshapes the brain’s response to conflict so couples can connect rather than withdraw.

By focusing on the root causes of disconnection, EFT creates lasting, transformative change.

How does EFT therapy work?

EFT follows a structured, three-stage process:

• De-escalation – Identifying the negative cycle (pursue/withdraw, blame/defend, etc.) and reframing the problem as the cycle itself, not the partner.
• Restructuring interactions – Helping partners access vulnerable feelings and needs, and express them in ways that invite closeness.
• Consolidation – Reinforcing new, positive interaction patterns and building confidence in the couple’s bond.

This process “rewires” the brain by creating new emotional experiences that replace fear and defensiveness with safety and connection.

What makes EFT different from other types of couples therapy?

Many therapies focus on teaching skills or solving surface-level problems. EFT goes deeper by addressing the emotional and attachment needs driving conflict. Unlike approaches that stay at the level of communication tips, EFT changes the emotional music of the relationship so new patterns feel natural and lasting. Research shows EFT leads not just to fewer arguments but to greater intimacy, trust, and satisfaction over time.

Who can benefit from EFT?

EFT is ideal for couples experiencing:

• Frequent conflict or communication struggles.
• Emotional distance or disconnection.
• Trust issues after betrayal or hurt.
• Stress from parenting, work, or life transitions.
• The desire to strengthen a good relationship and make it more secure.

EFT can also be adapted for individuals who want to explore attachment wounds, improve relational patterns, or heal from past relationships.

What results can we expect from EFT therapy?

Couples who engage in EFT often report:

• Fewer arguments and less reactivity.
• Feeling safer, closer, and more understood.
• Improved emotional and physical intimacy.
• Rebuilt trust and a stronger sense of partnership.
• Confidence that they can handle future challenges together.

Do you offer EFT in-person and online?

Yes. I provide EFT therapy in person in Costa Mesa, California as well as online EFT for clients in Arizona and California. Whether in-person or virtual, the process is equally effective, offering couples a safe space to reconnect and grow.

How do we get started with EFT?

The first step is scheduling a consultation. Together, we’ll explore your relationship needs and goals, answer any questions, and create a plan to begin moving out of disconnection and into deeper connection.